Barstool Chicago Breast Nickname Draft
Round 1 Pick 1: Tits, Dave
Yeah, so Dave had to take this pick obviously. However, I don't think it is the best nickname for boobs. It is great, but can be a bit harsh sounding. I think nicknames should be a bit funnier.
Grade: A-
Round 1 Pick 2: Hooters, Eddie
This would've been my first overall pick. It is just a hilarious word. If we are being honest, this is a word you only use as a joke, but jokes are good. Like you would never say to a friend "man look at her hooters". You would sound silly. But great pick.
Grade: A+
Round 1 Pick 3: Boobs, Chiefs
This is the OG nickname. It has basically become the term for the term. It is not funny or overly sexy, but many it gets the jobs done. Very good pick.
Grade: A
Round 1 Pick 4: Knockers, Cheah
Very good pick from Cheah. It's a phenomenal word. It may be a bit old school, but it doesn't matter. Knockers are very funny and I think it is a great pick.
Grade: A
Round 1 Pick 5: Farmington Hills, KB
So it is a creative pick. I need to think about how KB will play this because the picks are objectively not that good. But, they are at least funny. IDK I may just give him all C's for effort.
Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 1: Kalamazoos, KB
Gonna stick to my guns. This is a fine pick.
Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 2: Cans, Cheah
Great pick. Probably worthy of the first round. It is just so stupid that it is good.
Grade: A
Round 2 Pick 3: Rack, Chief
This is another excellent pick. I'd say rack is probably one of the best descriptors of a nice pair of breasts that isn't overly silly. It is both unique and tasteful.
Grade: A
Round 2 Pick 4: Jugs, Eddie
Not my favorite. It is a bit too juvenile and silly. It feels like something you would say in third grade and then snicker because you think boobs are hilarious.
Grade: B-
Round 2 Pick 5: Funbags, Dave
Now this is the opposite. It is so silly and stupid that it is good. If anyone seriously looked at you and said funabgs with a straight face, be concerned for them, but if they say it as a joke, great.
Grade: A-
Round 3 Pick 1: Thangs, Dave
It's a fine pick, but there were certainly better ones available. Unfortuantely it isn't particularly specific to boobs. Again it could be worse though.
Grade: B
Round 3 Pick 2: Melons, Eddie
This is a classic. It will never get old. It is simple and it is probably the most accurate description on the list. Great pick.
Grade: A
Round 3 Pick 3: Jams, Chief
Not my favorite. It sounds like something a third-grader would say.
Grade: C
Round 3 Pick 4: Meat Cleavers, Cheah
Not gonna lie, I think this pick is pretty meh. It's a bit too long for my liking and doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.
Grade: C+
Round 3 Pick 5: Walla Wallas, KB
Very creative and gives me cartoony vibes.
Grade: C
Round 4 Pick 1: Dover Delawares, KB
Now this is a smart pick. Very clever in my opinion. However it is just a bit too long.
Grade: C
Round 4 Pick 2: Sweater Puppies, Cheah
Immaculate pick. Great value in the fourth round as well. It is just such a good term that will always make me crack a smile when it is said.
Grade: A
Round 4 Pick 3: Mosquito Bites, Chief
Terrible pick. Who wants a nickname for small boobs? Lame.
Grade: D
Round 4 Pick 4: Headlights, Eddie
Is this really a term for breasts or is a term for the nipple? I was a bit surprised nobody brought that up. Because ya know, headlights being on and whatnot. So this makes me think it is not an amazing pick.
Grade: C
Round 4 Pick 5: Warlocks, Dave
Just a side note before analyzing the pick. "I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks" is nowhere near the most famous quote from Superbad. Anyways I think this is hilarious but not a very popular pick.
Grade: C+
Round 5 Pick 1: Tig Ol Bitties, Dave
Now this is just a funny term. It is sill and it is almost exclusively said as a joke. But it is a good joke. Great pick.
Grade: A
Round 5 Pick 2: Bazookas, Eddie
This is a better version of the term jugs. These things gotta be huge when they're bazookas. It may also be very juvenile but is also objectively hilarious.
Grade: A-
Round 5 Pick 3: Sweater Hams, Chief
Is this something popular I've never heard of? Either way I don't think it is very good. It is funny but overall just a bit confusing.
Grade: B
Round 5 Pick 4: Milkers, Cheah
Holy cow. I mean it is a fine pick but what a disgusting word. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. But it is still a good pick to me as it has become much more mainstream in recent years.
Grade: A-
Round 5 Pick 5: Flower Mounds, KB
Booooo, made one up and it isn't even a city.
Grade: D
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