Barstool Chicago Non-Alcoholic Draft Grades

Round 1 Pick 1: Lemon Lime Gatorade, Dave

Well this is an interesting first pick. I honestly think this flavor of Gatorade is bad. Like I understand why it would have been drafted, but definitely not a first-rounder and much less the first overall pick. Not great.

Grade: C

Round 1 Pick 2: Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, Frank

I like the pick. Definitely the best Kool-Aid flavor to me. I think the pick is good, but the second overall seems high for this as well. I like the drink though and it definitely could have been a late first-rounder.

Grade: A-

Round 1 Pick 3: Arnold Palmer, Carl

Good pick from Carl right here. It has a lot of brand recognition and is very popular. It is very good on a summer day, very refreshing. Also, I think it is worthy of a first-round pick. Good pick from Carl.

Grade: A

Round 1 Pick 4: Icelandic Glacial Water, Chief

Well, this is a head-scratcher. I think water definitely should have been taken in the first round. But, Icelandic Glacial Water? Really? I think all of the high-end waters are kind of dumb. I'm a deer park kind of guy. The only one I really like is Fiji. So I don't think the pick is as bad as everyone says, but it isn't great. 

Grade: C+

Round 1 Pick 5: Fruit Punch Capri Sun, Eddie

Home run pick right here. Fruit Punch Capri Sun was my childhood. I still drink it sometimes to this day, and I'm 20 years old. Just an absolutely elite pick from Red Ed.

Grade: A+ 

Round 2 Pick 1: Snapple Peach Tea, Eddie

Pretty solid pick here. Everyone likes Snapple. I would say peach is probably the most popular player, if not it is definitely in the top 5. I don't love tea, but it is pretty good. I also think Snapple in general just has good brand recognition. Strong back-to-backs from the commish. 

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 2: Martinelli's Apple Juice, Chief

Not an awful pick from Chief. Apple juice definitely had to be picked. I just think it was an overdraft in the second round. Martinelli's is also not the most popular brand, which hurts. Overall, the pick in a microscope was good, but seventh overall is a little high.

Grade: B-

Round 2 Pick 3: Oberweis Chocolate Milk, Carl

Incredible pick. I would've picked chocolate milk first overall. The glass bottle is very classy and honestly makes it taste just a little better. Just a very good pick from Carl right here, tremendous. 

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 4: Brisk Lemon Iced Tea, Frank

Good one from Frank. Brisk is a very solid drink. I think going in the late second round is a good spot for it as well.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 5: Arizona Lemon Iced Tea, Dave

Good pick from Dave here. Everyone likes Arizona and I would think lemon is the most popular flavor besides the regular ones. Very good from Dave.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 1: Simply Orange Juice, Dave

Yeah, I like orange juice, but I definitely would not have taken it in the third round. The problem with orange juice is that it can only be drunk at one time of the day. Like, imagine drinking orange juice at dinner, psycho move. Not the best from Dave.

Grade: C+

Round 3 Pick 2: Hi-C Ecto Cooler, Frank

Maybe a misstep from Frank here. Those who were children in the 80s, probably like the pick because of nostalgia. But those born after might not know what it is. So the pick isn't bad but could have been better. 

Grade: C+

Round 3 Pick 3: Sugar-Free Red Bull, Carl

While I'm here I have to ask, what flavor is Red Bull? I actually don't know. Anyways, the pick isn't bad. A lot of people like Red Bull, I would guess it's the most popular energy drink, but I'm not sure. Good pick from Carl, but not tremendous especially since it is the sugar-free one. 

Grade: B+

Round 3 Pick 4: Simply Lemonade, Chief

Fine pick from Chief. So lemonade should have been drafted, but it was weird that he picked Simply. I definitely would have gone with country time. But to each his own. Pretty good pick from Chief regardless. 

Grade: B+

Round 3 Pick 5: Pure Leaf Sweet Tea, Eddie

While I do not personally like Sweet Tea, this absolutely deserved to be drafted. It is very popular and certainly iconic, and will definitely get a lot of fan love.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 1: Dragonfruit Vitamin Water, Eddie

A bit of a misstep from Eddie right here. Vitamin Water isn't a bad pick, but dragonfruit flavor? Questionable at best. I probably would've gone with the lemonade flavor. I don't think the pick will really hurt him, but it won't do him many favors. 

Grade: C

Round 4 Pick 2: Pamplemousse Lacroix, Chief

I mean what are we doing here? Chief just picked flavored TV static. I know it has become a trend, but I am still firmly against seltzer waters, they stink. Bad pick.

Grade: D

Round 4 Pick 3: Hawaiin Punch, Carl

Tremendous pick from Carl right here. Everyone loves a good Hawaiin Punch. It was an elite birthday party drink as a kid and also very good if you were spending the day at the pool. Just a very solid pick overall. Also, one thing that I thought is funny, for some reason, is Hawaiin Punch is much better at room temperature than it is when it is cold and I've never known why.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 4: Yoo-Hoo, Frank

Slam Dunk, Home Run, Grand Slam, whatever you want to say, this is the best pick of the draft. I probably would've picked Yoo-Hoo in the first round and potentially first overall. It is just that good. Tank has to be laughing that he got it in the fourth here. Tremendous pick.

Grade: A+

Round 4 Pick 5: Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino, Dave

Solid pick from Dave. It is like the third starter in your rotation. He won't win the Cy Young, but he will put up some solid outings. Solid pick from Dave.

Grade: B

Round 5 Pick 1: Blue Little Hugs, Dave

Oh wow. This is right in the nostalgia. A very good pick from Dave here to end things. I enjoy hugs barrels and I think a lot of people did as a good. Good pick.

Grade: A-

Round 5 Pick 2: Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice, Frank

Tank, it was going so well. But Ocean Spray? Not great. Maybe I am out of the loop on this one, but I just feel like most people don't just drink cranberry juice. I feel like it is exclusively used as a mixer. However, I could be wrong. Not a great pick for me.

Grade: C

Round 5 Pick 3: Original V8, Carl

Um what? He didn't actually pick this right? V8 is terrible, Carl what are we doing here?

Grade: F

Round 5 Pick 4: Cool Blue Gatorade, Chief

Oh no. Did he accidentally take the wrong blue Gatorade? Cool Blue is terrible. Glacier Freeze over it every day and twice on Sunday. I mean it isn't awful and having a Gatorade on the board is a good thing, but this is just a bad flavor of Gatorade.

Grade: D

Round 5 Pick 5: Mountain Berry Blast Powerade, Eddie

Solid Mr. Irrelevant. Blue Powerade is definitely first overall Powerade. It is very good and definitely good value in the fifth.

Grade: A-

I think we have a close one between Ed and Tank here. Dave is probably third and both Carl and Chief have terrible drafts. I think Eddie's is slightly better than Frank's but I could see it going either way.

Predicted Winner: Eddie

Predicted Loser: Chief