Barstool Chicago Bald Guys Draft Grades

Round 1 Pick 1: Homer Simpson, Carl

Very solid first overall pick. I don't think I would've picked him if I was drafting, but I can see how picking him would be a good idea. He is incredibly iconic and a staple of American culture. 

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 2: George Costanza, Dave

Interesting. I think Costanza is a bit of a reach to me. I think Seinfeld as a whole is a bit of an overrated show, but Constanza is an incredible character. I just would not have taken him second overall. 

Grade: A-

Round 1 Pick 3: Michael Jordan, Chief

Great pick from Chief right here. Michael Jordan is gonna get a ton of votes and I would say he is by far the most famous bald athlete of all time. I've probably said it, but ehrn MJ is on your squad, you have a very good shot at winning the draft. 

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 4: Mr. Clean, Chaps

I like the pick. Mr. Clean is very recognizable and it is solely for the fact that he is bald, which cannot be said about most of the people taken in this draft. With that being said, I think this is an incredible pick and probably could've gone first overall. 

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 5: Pitbull, Eddie

I love the pick. Pitbull is such a meme I think it will go over well. However, I do think he was drafted a bit too high and probably could have been there in some of the later rounds. 

Grade: B

Round 2 Pick 1: Dr. Evil, Eddie

So I haven't seen Austin Powers unfortunately, but I know Dr. Evil is an incredible pick. First, he just looks ridiculous. Second, the clips I have seen, he is just hilarious. Great pick.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 2: Mini-Me, Chaps

It's hard to have different commentary about mini-me and Dr. Evil for pretty self-explanatory reasons. A lot of people like the Austin Powers movies so I think the pick will be successful.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 3: Larry David, Chief

I am a huge Larry David fan and as a UMD student I feel obligated to inform everyone that Larry David is a fellow terp. Anyways, a lot of people like Curb, even more like Seinfeld, and just a lot of people love Larry. This also made me think, would it be problematic if they did a draft of the best Jews ever? Just spit-balling ideas here.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 4: Popeye, Dave

I'm very neutral to this pick. A lot of people nowadays have heard of popeye but never watched him, so they are very indifferent to the pick. I think it won't hurt Dave, but probably won't sway too many voters.

Grade: B

Round 2 Pick 5: Kevin Youkilis, Carl

Yikes what a bad pick from Carl. I mean Kevin Youkilis is fine or whatever but this is really that second athlete taken? I mean there are like 20 NBA players I'd take before Youkilis. Hell, he wouldn't even be the first baseball player off the board for me. Incredibly bad pick to me.

Grade: F

Round 3 Pick 1: Johnny Sins, Carl

I think this is a pretty good miscellaneous pick. I think he was a bit of a reach in the third round, because I don't know how well he plays to people in different age groups.

Grade: C

Round 3 Pick 2: Billy Joel, Dave

Amazing pick from Dave. Who doesn't love Billy Joel? Just a fantastic musician and a fantastic bald guy.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 3: James Taylor, Chief

Classic Chief pick. I doubt Taylor gets drafted if it is a ten round draft. But I guess there are worse picks out there.

Grade: C

Round 3 Pick 4: The Rock, Chaps

I mean come on. This is so dumb. Like what are we doing here. A musician? Get this out of my face, awful pick.

Grade: F

Round 3 Pick 5: Dr. Phil, Eddie

Love the pick. Dr. Phil has transcended to become an American icon not just a daytime talk show host. He has been in so many cultural moments and has become somewhat of a meme. Just a solid, solid pick from Eddie.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 1: Matt Hasslebeck, Eddie

What? Of all the bald athletes you pick Matt Hasslebeck, really? Just an average quarterback. A very big headscratcher. 

Grade: D

Round 4 Pick 2: Putin, Chaps

I mean wtf? He's trying to lose right?

Grade: F

Round 4 Pick 3: Joe Rogan, Chief

I think Rogan is a pretty solid pick. He is pretty polarizing, but it seems like a lot of controversy has left him in the last few weeks. I don't really listen to any of his podcasts, but he seems alright. 

Grade: B+

Round 4 Pick 4: Voldemort, Dave

I'm really not a huge Harry Potter fan, but I can appreciate the pick of he who shall not be named (that's a reference for those who don't know).

Grade: A-

Round 4 Pick 5: Tupac, Carl

Holy cow, what a pick in the fourth round. Carl really outdid himself with this one. I would be kicking myself for passing on Tupac in favor of someone like, James Taylor.

Grade: A+

Round 5 Pick 1: Walter White, Carl

Wow this is an elite closer. It's like 2016 Zach Britton elite. Just an absolutely great way to end the draft.

Grade: A+

Round 5 Pick 2: Mark Messier, Dave

Meh. A little bit tough to pick a hockey player as your athlete with a plethora of basketball players available. Messier is fine but there were better left on the board.

Grade: B-

Round 5 Pick 3: Elmer Fudd, Chief

Love this ending. Elmer is an absolute all-timer. Everyone loves him, except Bugs Bunny of course.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 4: Butterbean, Chaps

Solid pick from Chaps, but I think it is a little too late to salvage his draft.

Grade: B

Round 5 Pick 5: Arnold's Granpda, Eddie

I've only watched Hey Arnold a few times, so I can't judge the pick too harshly. I think the show was very good and people are pretty fond of it, so I think it plays well, but it is by no means an out-of-this world selection.

Grade: B

I don't think it should be close, Chief wins.

Predicted Winner: Chief

Predicted Loser: Chaps