Barstool Chiacgo Douchebag Draft Grades

Round 1 Pick 1: Tribal Tattoos, Carl

I think this is a solid pick from Carl, but I definitely don't think this would have been my first overall pick. It is definitely a douchey thing to do, but there are other things that could have been first overall.

Grade: B-

Round 1 Pick 2: Not Picking up Dog Shit, Whitney

Is this really a douchebag move? It is just something that bad people do, not necessarily exclusive to being a douchebag. Like it is certainly something that an asshole does, but I just can't say it is a douche move.

Grade: B-

Round 1 Pick 3: Bad Tippers, Chief

Same problem as the last pick, not something exclusive to douchebags. However, I don't think this is actually quite as bad as not picking up your dog's shit. I have a whole thing on tipping that I think it's stupid and we actually tip too many people, but that's neither here nor there. It's an ok pick as well.

Grade: B

Round 1 Pick 4: People who treat servers poorly, Eddie

So I think this is more of a douchebag move than tipping poorly. Because being a dick is kinda in the douchebag stereotype. So I think going out and being rude to workers is a douchebag move.

Grade: A-

Round 1 Pick 5: "Do you know who my father is?", Dave

Great pick from Dave. It is such a douchebag thing to say. Like no man, I don't know who your dad is, shut up. Sorry, this is just something that really pisses me off. An incredible pick from Dave should've been first overall in my book. 

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 1: Not using a turn signal, Dave

Eh not really a douchebag move, more just something that an inconsiderate person would do. Either way, it is annoying as hell.

Grade: C

Round 2 Pick 2: Intentionally shoulder bumping someone, Eddie

Yeah this is a pretty good pick from Eddie right here. Just going around shoulder checking people is a douchebag move. I like the pick, but I think it was taken just a bit too high, probably could've gotten picked later in the draft.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 3: People who don't watch TV, Chief

This is like the opposite of a douchebag in my opinion. Awful pick.

Grade: D

Round 2 Pick 4: Taking two parking spots, Whitney

Yeah this is a pretty good pick. Driving a big truck and taking up more than one spot is certainly a douchy move. Like it really isn't that hard to just park in one spot, your car isn't that big. People who double park are the worst and massive douchebags. 

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 5: Taking your shirt off at the bar, Carl

Yeah this checks out. Trying to show off for everyone at the bar by taking your shirt off is not only douchey but also kinda weird. Like bro, we don't wanna see that you did fifteen pushups before heading out, keep it on.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 1: Joining a frat, Carl

In general, I think frats get too much hate, but this is a great pick. Not mentioned but having parties and making sure the ratio is right or making sure you know a brother is just incredibly pretentious. Very good pick from Carl. 

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 2: Talking during movies, Whitney

I really don't think Whit fully grasps what a douchebag is. I don't think it is really a douchey thing to do per se. It is just annoying and something that you just shouldn't do, but to me it does not fall under something that would be considered to be something a douchebag would do. 

Grade: C+

Round 3 Pick 3: Fighting at the bar, Chief

I feel like many douchebags are hyper-agressive so this checks out. I also think many douchebags wanna look tough, so wanting to fight people definitely makes you look a bit tougher. I think it is a pretty good pick from Chief right here, especially in the third round. 

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 4: Talking about your "kills", Eddie

Yup, 100% a massive douchebag move. Most people you talk to don't really care about who you fuck, that's just a fact. So if you keep bringing up how many girls you've gotten with, I'll assume two things: one, you're a massive douche and two, you are probably lying. Great pick. 

Grade: A+

Round 3 Pick 5: Not cleaning your machine at the gym, Dave

Yeah this is a solid pick. It certainly isn't my favorite pick, but I understand it. I guess anything with the gym just kinda gives it a douchey vibe. I like the pick, but it is just ok. I feel like if you don't clean your machine you aren't necessarily a douche, you're just kinda gross. 

Grade: B

Round 4 Pick 1: Snitch tagging on Twitter, Dave

This isn't a douche move, it's just a dweeb move. If you report people on Twitter to their boss you're just a dweeb. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is the opposite of a douche move, most people who are douches probably wouldn't do this because "snitches get stitches".

Grade: F

Round 4 Pick 2: Calling your car your baby, Eddie

Yeah, this is definitely a douche move. Douches will say this and then have the shittiest car you've ever seen in your goddamn life. Great pick.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 3: Having a loud car, Chief

Yup great pick. Just don't have a loud car. Don't reve your car. Don't blast music going through neighborhoods. Just don't do anything that will make your vehicle louder than it already is. Very good pick from Chief. Also, Dave just admitting this is incredibly on brand. 

Grade: A+

Round 4 Pick 4: People who rush to get off a plane, Whitney

I'm almost getting tired of saying this, but this simply is not a douchebag move. There are many different kinds of people that do this. Bad pick.

Grade: F

Round 4 Pick 5: Posting "rise and grind", Carl

Very good pick. Everyone hates the rise and grind guy. We get it, you work out in the morning, big deal. It's just annoying to see people do this and stroke their ego, which is a big douchebag move. 

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 1: Being a jetski guy, Carl

Um what? Jet Skis are sweet and honestly too vague for this. If he had gone with what Dave was talking about and people who speed around creating waves, I'd understand, but just jet ski guys in general? Bad pick. 

Grade: C

Round 5 Pick 2: Not filling gas after borrowing a car, Whitney

Not a douchebag move, just a bad person move. next.

Grade: D

Round 5 Pick 3: Yelling in the gym, Chief

Yeah I would definitely consider this to be a douchebag move. I can certainly understand a little bit, like if you just hit a big PR or something. But some guys just take it to the next level, total douche vibe. 

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 4: People who ride tall bikes, Eddie

No words.

Grade: F

Round 5 Pick 5: Bragging about how much money you make, Dave

What an absolute buzzer beater! This probably wins it. Any guy that goes around bragging about his salary is a MASSIVE douche. Could honestly be a first or second rounder. Great pick. 

Grade: A

Overall, there were a lot of misses this draft due to the inability to distinguish between what is a douchebag move and just something that is generally something bad to do. But I think Dave has the strongest draft out of everyone. 

Predicted winner: Dave

Predicted loser: Eddie