Barstool Chicago Music Video Draft Grades

The Chicago crew is drafting music videos this week and boy did it turn horny FAST. Of course, White Sox Dave is leading the charge, but everyone deserves their fair share of bonks after today. The guys are joined by Rone, noted battle rap champion from Philly. 

Round 1 Pick 1: Thriller, Carl

I honestly don't think I need to say anything. This is the gold standard for music videos. It's incredible. Sidenote, Michael Jackson has some incredible music videos. Black or White is awesome, Billy Jean is pretty good, and Beat it is also very good.

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 2: Blurred Lines, Dave

I don't know here with this one. I mean, of course, it's a good horny pick, but the video is actually pretty boring in my opinion. Like there are some horny videos that are also actually good music videos, this is not one of them.

Grade: C-

Round 1 Pick 3: These boots are made for walkin, Ed

This is a way better pick than blurred lines. Not only is it hot, but it's also a good music video. A strong pick from Ed.

Grade: A

Round 1 Pick 4: Toxic, Rone

Incredible music video. The video is quality and a little crazy. Also just a really good song. Pretty good at fourth overall.

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 5: I'm a Slave 4 U, Chief

It's rough taking a Britney video immediately after a better Britney video. Not great from Chief. There were also better Britney videos left on the board. Not an amazing start. 

Grade: B-

Round 2 Pick 1: Wildest Dreams, Chief

This is a miss from Chief. It's not even Taylor's best music video. It's not really iconic like some of the other ones and also not an awesome music video. Chief is clearly trying to get the votes of Taylor fans and is clearly not a Burrata Gang move.

Grade: C

Round 2 Pick 2: The Real Slim Shady, Rone

Don't get me wrong, The Real Slim Shady is a good music video, but I don't think it's Eminem's best video from that time period. Personally, I think Without Me is a way better video.

Round 2 Pick 3: Bye Bye Bye, Ed

A really, really good music video. Honestly, I think that this could've been a first-round pick if there wasn't a run on horniness. Very good choreography, very good song. A strong pick.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 4: Oops I did it again, Dave

Dave is gonna get soooo many bonks this week. Like my guy is just talking about the underwear Britney was wearing. I mean it's a good pick though, so I can't hate it.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 5: Sabotage, Carl

This is a pretty funny and solid video. I like it because it is outside of the box and doesn't take itself to seriously. A pretty strong pick from Carl.

Grade: A-

Round 3 Pick 1: Take On Me, Carl

This is probably one of the most visually pleasing videos ever created. It is almost movie-level quality. This definitely could have gone in the first round.

Grade: A+

Round 3 Pick 2: What's my age again, Dave

Ley's be real here, any video that has naked people automatically makes it memorable. This video is pretty funny and there's actually a lot going on in it. A solid pick from Dave.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 3: Hit me baby one more time, Ed

In my opinion, this is the most iconic Britney video. Like this is the one I think of when I think of her. Maybe it's because I'm younger and this song was more popular than the other ones. I'm not really sure. But I think this is a very good pick from Ed.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 4: Work It, Rone

This is a solid video. It's not groundbreaking or anything. It looks fine. It has good choreography and special effects. It's just an overall above-average music video.

Grade: B

Round 3 Pick 5: Mo money mo problems, Chief

Now, this is a good pick from Chief. The busy is very busy but in a good way. It really stimulates the senses. 

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 1: Hey Ya, Chief

Unpopular opinion alert, I don't think the music video is all that. It's fine. It will get some votes. But it isn't an overly amazing pick.

Grade: B

Round 4 Pick 2: Seven Nation Army, Rone

Very good special effects video. Certainly, a different kind of song as we compare it to the rest of the draft. Perhaps Rone is trying to appeal to the vote of Baltimore sports fans. I don't love the pick, but I also don't hate it.

Grade: B

Round 4 Pick 3: You can't touch this, Ed

This music video was not only good, but it was culturally impactful. The Hammer pants were incredibly popular in their time and the hammer dance is still relevant to this day. A really good pick from Eddie right here, I think he's in a great position to take over the draft.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 4: Express yourself, Dave

This one might be a miss from Dave. I guess he's right about the political meanings behind the video, but from a purely entertainment standpoint, it's just ok. Over half of the video is just the guys walking around. 

Grade: C+

Round 4 Pick 5: Baby got back, Carl

This video is both horny and funny, like the waterpark scene in Grownups. A good combination that everyone enjoys. It also pioneered the horny rap video and helped to give us the blessing that is the Anaconda music video by Nicki Minaj. Strong pick.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 1: Thong Song, Carl

At the time, I'm sure it was way controversial than it would be now. But this video didn't really light it up on the horny scale for me like some of the other ones.

Grade: B-

Round 5 Pick 2: Hot for Teacher, Dave

One thing about this music video is that it aged very well. Even though it is old, it still gives the other ones a run for their money. A strong pickup in the fifth.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 3: Stan, Ed

Not only was this an awesome music video, but it had a great message to go with it. This video/song helped to cement a word that is still used to this day in pop culture. An awesome pick in the fifth round.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 4: L$D, Rone

An absolutely visually stunning music video. The editing and special effects are off the charts. It also brings in some votes from the younger fans. Solid selection in the fifth round.

Grade: B+

Round 5 Pick 5: Buddy Holly, Chief

One word I would use to describe this video would be wholesome. You've got the Happy Days bar and the old-time outfits. It's just an all-around solid video. 

Grade: B

A bit of an up and down draft. This is another one with no clear winner because there are so many heavy hitters. However, I do think the biggest loser is clearly Chief. He doesn't really even have a super strong selection.

Predicted winner: Eddie

Predicted loser: Chief