Why buying real Christmas trees is the biggest scam in the world

We are now getting to the time when everyone is starting to put up their Christmas trees. Those of us who are smart, already have them up. I'm talking about people who have a fake Christmas tree. Fake Christmas trees are better than real ones in every way imaginable and Twitter agrees. 

First, you only buy one and you are good for at least a decade. Second, you can actually put up your Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, which is when you are supposed to. Third, you don't have to trudge into a field on a cold December weekend to buy one, or if you're a fraud get one from a lot. It is nice to do with your kids, but when Timmy and Suzy are teenagers, they aren't gonna want to do that. Finally, fakes aren't nearly as much of a fire hazard as real trees are. 

People who use real trees will always make claims like "oh fake trees are so ugly" or "the smell of the tree is worth it". Well, that is a load of crap. If you love the smell so much buy a candle. We who have real trees will always think less of those that have real trees because we are right!

So do yourself a favor and get yourself a fake tree this season, you will not regret it.