Barstool Chicago Animals Draft Grades

The Chicago crew is back drafting animals. White Sox Dave is absent, so Billy Football and Sydnie Wells are here as guests. I believe this would be the first time there are back-to-back guests in dogwalk history, but I could be wrong. It's a pretty cool draft. Enjoy!

Round 1 Pick 1: Dogs, Chief

Um, I like dogs of course, but if we are drafting the coolest animals dogs are pretty lame. However, if they are just drafting animals people like, dogs are pretty high up the list. I understand it being a first-rounder, but I don't really think I would've picked them first overall. Very interesting pick and I'm not sure how voters will react to this. One thing Chief might've not thought of when picking this would be that he is alienating probably slightly under fifty percent of voters who are cat "people". 

Grade: A-

Round 1 Pick 2: Honey Badger, Sydnie

Does anyone actually know what a honey badger looks like? I know they're super badass and dangerous as fuck, but I couldn't pick one out in a lineup. I think this is a good pick because everyone loves the allure of the honey badger and almost the mythology surrounding it (even though these are true). I think it will get votes because everyone thinks they're cool. 

Grade: A

Round 1 Pick 3: Grizzly Bear, Eddie

Grizzlies would probably be my third overall bear besides polar bears and pandas, but I think all bears are pretty cool. I've never seen a grizzly up close, so this could be ignorant on my part. I still think grizzlies are relatively lame in comparison to other bears and are kind of a reach in the first. 

Grade: B

Round 1 Pick 4: Killer Whales, Carl

Meh. Killer whales are kinda cool, but I don't think it is worthy of the first round. There are many big cats I would take before them and even a few sea animals before orcas. This pick will also depend on the name on the graphic. If it says killer whale, I think it will get more votes than if it says orca. 

Grade: B-

Round 1 Pick 5: Polar Bear, Billy

Good pick from Billy right here. In my opinion, they are definitely the coolest of all the bears. They are also in cold weather which just makes everything slightly more badass to me. They also swim in the arctic which is sick. Very strong pick from Billy.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 1: African Bull Frog, Billy

If anyone watches Pardon My Take will understand this... bonk. Absolute horndog pick from Billy. I think the pick is cool, but I probably wouldn't pick it in the second round. 

Grade: C

Round 2 Pick 2: Tiger, Carl

So there are many different kinds of tigers. They are all somewhat similar but I think it would be good to specify. Tigers are definitely the coolest of the Big Cats (besides Dan Katz of course), they are definitely the most dangerous. I think they're cooler than lions because tigers live in the jungle which is infinitely cooler than living on the African savannahs. Great pick from Carl. 

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 3: Great White Shark, Eddie

Incredible value in the second round. The GWS brand is probably top five in the animal kingdom. Everyone is perpetually terrified by them even though they really are much dangerous than we are led on to believe. Very good pick in the second round.

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 4: Koala Bear, Sydnie

I think they were giving this pick a bit too much flack. I think koalas are pretty cool. This pick was much different than the previous ones in the fact that it isn't necessarily a dangerous one. I feel like koalas are something everyone forgets about. I think it will end up being a good but not great pick. 

Grade: B

Round 2 Pick 5: Bison, Chief

Bison are sweet. I think they get a little bit of a boost in notoriety because so many sports teams use them as their mascot. Bison are tough and very good workers. I don't have a lot to say about them, they're just very cool animals.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 1: Cheetah, Chief

Out of all of the fast cats, cheetahs are probably the coolest. When I was younger I was incredibly intrigued by cheetahs, leopards, jaguars, etc. I don't know why but I just found fast cats to be interesting. They look cool, they're fast, and overall they are sweet. Good pick.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 2: Nile Crocodile, Sydnie

Crocodiles are so fucking badass. Also, I think the average person really underestimates crocodiles. An alligator isn't really that scary, but a crocodile would absolutely fuck up an alligator. I think it's a very good pick, crocodiles are awesome. 

Grade: A-

Round 3 Pick 3: Hippopotamus, Eddie

I think hippos are a bit overrated. By now, I think most people know how dangerous they are, but I don't really think they are cool. They are plump and just chill in the water all day. Good pick, but a bit overrated.

Grade: B

Round 3 Pick 4: Horse, Carl

The perfect blend between wild and domestic. Horses are the ultimate status symbol in my opinion. Horses are great for riding or more importantly they're great for gambling. I love a good horse race which obviously would not be possible without horses. I think a lot of people like horses especially the gambling aspect associated with them. Strong pick. 

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 5: Liger, Billy

Interesting. I personally thought this could've gotten a veto, but I think the pick is good. Ligers are cool and I think a lot of people are interested in them. Good pick from Billy.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 1: Saltwater Crocodile, Billy

Big nuts on the table pick from William Pigskin right here. Absolutely bodying Sydnie with a crocodile that eats sharks?! Are you kidding me? Good pick from Billy. Good pick.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 2: Panda Bear, Carl

First overall bear. They're so cool I don't know why, but they are. Great pick because everyone loves pandas and it will garner many votes. Potentially may be a pander, but that's neither here nor there. 

Grade: A+

Round 4 Pick 3: Kangaroo, Eddie

Inncredible fourth round pick for Eddie. I actually had a theory for a while that kangaroos aren't real, but I won't get into that here. They're big, ripped, can jump like a million feet in the air, and beat the shit out of you. They also have a pouch which is very interesting to me. Good pick.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 4: Komodo Dragon, Sydnie

Another animal I was obsessed with when I was a kid. They're so cool. Also just being called dragon adds like fifty style points. I think a lot of people like them just because of their name. Good pick from Sydnie.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 5: Mountain Goat, Chief

Meh. I guess they're cool, but a goat doesn't really move the needle for me. I think I would be in the majority on this opinion. I think a regular goat would actually be a better pick because people would find them funny.

Grade: C

Round 5 Pick 1: Sea Turtles, Chief

As a University of Maryland fan, I would be dishonoring my fandom to not grade a turtle highly. Sea turtles are incredibly cool and I believe generally well liked. They also became infinitely cooler from the finding nemo scene with crush. Good pick.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 2: Elk, Sydnie

Elk are pretty cool, but I don't think it really moves the needle. Elk just are so far removed from the average person's knowledge that I don't think have any strong feeling towards them. A pretty weak end for Sydnie.

Grade: B-

Round 5 Pick 3: Cassowary, Eddie

This is a bad pick. I had Eddie with a good chance of winning up until this, however I think so few people will know what this is that it will be hard to get votes. A win is still possible, but it would be much easier with a better pick this round.

Grade: B

Round 5 Pick 4: African Elephant, Carl

I think a lot of people really like elephants. Carl has a very strong draft and while the elephant may not be the strongest pick, it certainly doesn't hurt him. I think he's the frontrunner, but I'm not completely sure. Decent pick from Carl.

Grade: B

Round 5 Pick 5: Cape Buffalo, Billy

I was originally gonna give Billy a bad grade for this, but once I looked up a picture of it, I am all in. These things look so tough. The horns are incredibly intimidating. Billy completely emasculated Chief and Sydnie by taking better versions of their own picks. Incredible strategy from the rookie. 

Grade: A

Very tough draft to grade this week. Everyone has unique picks and I think this is very hard to judge. I feel like Eddie and Chief are out of it, but besides that Sydnie, Carl, and Billy are very close. I think Billy may take it, with Carl in second.

Predicted Winner: Billy

Predicted Loser: Chief