Barstool Chicago Worst Ways to Die Draft Grades

The Chicago crew is back with a draft of the worst ways to die. The draft was very morbid and honestly gave me a few news fears. The crew is joined by resident daredevil Chef Donny and the most fearful man in the world, Tommy Smokes. 

Round 1 Pick 1: Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered, Donny

Yeah, this is really bad. Not only do you get hung, which would be bad by itself, you also get cut into four pieces and all of your organs get removed. It's just terrible. However, there is something to be said that this would never happen today, making the pick not as great. 

Grade: A-

Round 1 Pick 2: Burned to Death, Eddie

I'd say one of the worst parts about burning to death is the psychological torture also accompanied by it. Because when a building is burning, you have to try and find a way out. It's a good pick and I think a lot of people will relate to it.

Grade: A

Round 1 Pick 3: Alone, Chief

I actually think this is a decent pick from Chief. No one wants to die without their loved ones. I don't think it will get a lot of votes, but I don't think it's a bad pick. However, it was bad to pick in the first round.

Grade: C

Round 1 Pick 4: Drowning, Tommy

I've actually heard this is the worst possible way to die. Drowning just seems so helpless. Side story, twenty minutes from my house a sanitation worker drowned in a big batch of shit. I think that objectively would be the worst way to die. Anyways, it's a good pick and I don't think the whole "euphoric" thing really plays, especially if you die.

Grade: A+

Round 1 Pick 5: Head in a Vice, Dave

This is absolutely brutal. Just feeling your skull crack would be absolutely mortifying. It's so gross and just sounds like unfathomable pain.

Grade: A

Round 2 Pick 1: Judas Cradle, Dave

I felt just so uneasy reading what this was. Medieval torture devices just seem so gruesome and brutal. Dying ass-first is so undesirable. Again though, people may not know what it is.

Grade: B

Round 2 Pick 2: Cancer, Tommy Smokes

I just hate talking about cancer so much. It actually scares me. "Good" pick.

Grade: A+

Round 2 Pick 3: Hot/Cold Water, Chief

This is both a great and horrible pick. Nobody voting is gonna know what it is. However it just sounds so brutal, but it's not gonna get many votes.

Grade: C

Round 2 Pick 4: Burning in an Oven, Eddie

This isn't a great pick in my opinion. Like it would be a bad way to die, but it won't get a ton of votes because it isn't super relatable. 

Grade: C+

Round 2 Pick 5: Dropping in an Elevator, Donny

This pick will hit home for a lot of people because I'd guess most people use an elevator pretty much every day. It's just a very real fear that is hard to avoid.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 1: Avalanche, Donny

I hate being cold and I hate being stuck. This would be one of my worst nightmares. I think a lot of people would also agree that this would be a bad way to die.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 2: Trapped in a Cave, Eddie

I've never really thought about this way of death. It just seems very hard to happen. I don't think a lot of people will really relate to this way of death.

Grade: B

Round 3 Pick 3: Dysentery, Chief

This is a bad pick from Chief. This is a completely preventable death nowadays. This will get no votes.

Grade: F

Round 3 Pick 4: Carbon Monoxide Poisoning, Tommy

This isn't necessarily a pick that is super dangerous or gruesome, however, it is probably one of the scariest picks in the draft. You can't tell when it is happening and the only way to know it is when you have an alarm in your house. You also often hear about people accidentally leaving their cars running and dying from in. Very scary and very real.

Grade: A

Round 3 Pick 5: ALS, Dave

More and more people have become aware of ALS, however, I still am not sure how many people are fully aware of the symptoms. I think it will get votes especially since it has had a recent surge into the public eye.

Grade: A

Round 4 Pick 1: Tornado, Dave

If you live in either the Southeast or Midwest, then this is a legitimate fear.  However, I'm not sure how well it plays on a national basis. 

Grade: B

Round 4 Pick 2: Crushed by a Fire Escape Ladder, Tommy

This is a pretty bad pick. It would suck to die this way but it only plays for people that live in big cities.  Not a good pick, which sucks because Tommy was having a good draft.

Grade: C

Round 4 Pick 3: Radiation Poisoning, Chief

Awful way to die, but it won't get many votes. I think a lot of people will not know what symptoms it brings, especially since many votes come from those that don't listen to the podcast.

Grade: C

Round 4 Pick 4: Falling off a Cliff, Eddie

This is another very avoidable one. It sounds painful, but you also happen to survive this a lot. I don't know, I don't really think this is a bad pick but it isn't a great one.

Grade: B

Round 4 Pick 5: Being Eaten by Pirhannas, Donny

Pirhannas are one of those things that, as a kid, we were pretty much led to believe we would be dealing with on a regular basis. Thanks, cartoons. I think it's a good pick and people will relate to it.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 1: Accidentally Electrocuting Yourself, Donny

This is a very relatable pick. The thought of being electrocuted is terrifying. It is a great pick.

Grade: A+

Round 5 Pick 2:Stranded in the Ocean, Eddie

The worst part of this pick is the loneliness. You are just alone with your thoughts. It can also take a very long time which makes it worse because of the mental torture.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 3: Being Trampled by other People, Chief

This is another fear of mine. This is probably one of the most preventable deaths on this list but is also terrifying. I always cringe whenever I hear about this happening on Black Friday. Good pick.

Grade: A

Round 5 Pick 4: Car hitting you Eating Outside, Tommy

This is just a shitty pick. I think just saying a car accident would've been a better pick. Nobody outside of maybe New York or LA will relate to this pick, especially now since COVID is essentially over. Bad pick.

Grade: F

Round 5 Pick 5: Rat Bucket GOT, Dave

We end with a medieval pick again and this one is just as gruesome. I think this will get a lot of votes because it is from GOT. It is disgusting and made me want to throw up. Great pick.

Grade: A

I think this draft is pretty easy to assess. Donny picked both relatable and gruesome deaths. It is a very strong draft top to bottom and has no real weaknesses.

Predicted Winner: Donny

Predicted Loser: Chief